


Shit Nobody Told Me

by Mayalaen



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Bad Sex, Condoms, Crack, Cunnilingus, Drunk Sex, F/F, F/M, Femslash, Ficlet, Hand Jobs, Humiliation, Humor, M/M, Series, Slash, Squirting, Vaginal Fingering, Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2016-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 06:05:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5080555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mayalaen/pseuds/Mayalaen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Due to the nature of the requests, please read the <b>* WARNINGS AND TAGS FOR EVERY CHAPTER *</b> -  These will be individual fics, not connected in any way with different pairings, different fandoms, and possibly a wide variety of kinks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I was very amused by [deanlovestaylorswift](http://tmblr.co/mWzz6fbXXOV0KH_9P-f8SnA)‘s post about [NSFW ficlets being called fucklets](http://deanlovestaylorswift.tumblr.com/post/131748787670/so-would-a-nsfw-ficlet-be-called-a-fucklet-or). Shortly after that someone else told me about an embarrassing thing that happened to them, which I totally wanted to write about, but it wouldn’t have turned into anything long enough to be called a fic. Thus this series was started.

I’ve never done ficlets before, and of course the ideas I’ve got in my head aren’t SFW, so these will be fucklets. They’ll include a variety of pairings, genders, orientations, and fandoms.

Each fucklet will be based on the real-life experiences of my friends, family, myself, and some people who have been kind enough to admit to their mistakes on the Internet.

On Tumblr, they will each be tagged “shit nobody told me” and “fucklets,” but I plan on also tagging any future NSFW ficlets with the tag “fucklets,” so if you’d like to follow this particular series, use the first tag.

If anyone cares to share some of their experiences, I’d gladly accept them, but this isn’t a request series like my [Tumblr Ask Box Requests](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4244124), so please only send me real-life experiences or it ruins the whole idea. Anon experiences are welcome if you’re too shy to share your name.

Enjoy :)


	2. All In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Title:** All In  
>  **Fandom:** Supernatural  
>  **Pairing(s):** Dean/Castiel  
>  **Warnings/Tags:** Anal sex, virgin/first-time, bad sex, humor, crack
> 
>  **Inspiration:** "I wish somebody would've told me you don't shove your balls in too. In hindsight, it was really stupid to think that's how sex worked, but he forgave me, so it's all good."

"Cas! Cas, what the fuck are you doing?!" Dean said rather loudly as he squirmed out from under Cas, getting to his knees and staring at the naked angel in his bed.

"What's wrong?" Cas asked, tilting his head.

Dean sputtered for a moment, then gestured at Cas' dick like it was some sort of evil thing that tried to do something it really, really shouldn't have. "Just your dick! That's all you put in me! Nothing else needs to go in there!" he said, awkwardly pointing at his own ass.

"Oh," Cas said, frowning. "I assumed 'put your junk in me' meant I was to put everything in."

Dean huffed indignantly. "I knew you were a virgin, but you seriously thought your dick _and_ your balls were supposed to go in there?!"

Cas' expression went from confused to bitter in the span of one second. "I'm an Angel of the Lord. Human sexuality wasn't a necessary piece of information until I met you, and I assumed you'd tell me what to do. You wouldn't allow me to watch any pornography or conduct any Internet searches to prepare."

Dean rested his hands on his thighs, letting out a sigh. "I'm sorry, Cas. It just kinda freaked me out. I thought you knew what you were doing."

"No," Cas said, shaking his head. "I can research the basics if you'd like me to."

"No, Cas, c'mere," Dean said, reaching out and grabbing Cas' upper arms and giving him a kiss on the forehead. "I'm sorry. Let's start over. I'll tell you exactly what to do."

"Thank you, Dean," Cas said, relief in his tone of voice and the expression on his face.

Dean waited until the next time Cas had to fly off on a mission before telling Sam. Sam laughed so hard he cried, but he also never forgave Dean for the mental image.


	3. A Little Something Extra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Title:** A Little Something Extra  
>  **Fandom:** Supernatural  
>  **Pairing(s):** Jess/Ruby  
>  **Warnings/Tags:** Vaginal fingerfucking, cunnilingus, squirting, bad sex, humor, crack
> 
>  **Inspiration:** "The first time I squirted, I freaked out because I thought I'd pissed myself."

Jess had never been with a woman before, but it was college, and she'd always been attracted to the female form, just never had the opportunity in the small town she grew up in. And Ruby was so fucking hot.

"Mmm-yeah, right there!" Jess moaned as Ruby fingerfucked her, licking her clit and hitting all the right places.

It was wonderful and perfect, and with the remaining part of her logical brain left online, she wondered why she'd ever tried so hard to like sex with men, because this was it. She'd found what she'd been looking for.

"So beautiful," Ruby said, lips grazing Jess' inner thigh in a quick kiss before she went back to licking and sucking at Jess' clit.

"Oh! Oh! Ruby, please! So good! Please!" Jess yelled, not giving one shit about the fact that she'd get a complaint from the upstairs neighbors later.

Ruby smirked at her, pulling back enough to watch Jess, look her in the eye as she used her thumb on Jess' clit, rough in just the right way as she pushed Jess' pussy with her index and middle finger.

"Yes! There! Ruby, yeah!" Jess yelled as she squirmed and writhed on the bed, almost there, almost. "Fuck, yeah-oh! Oh, shit!" she wailed as she sat up, eyes wide and her cheeks turning pink, mouth open as she stared at Ruby's very wet hand.

Ruby looked up at her with wide eyes, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, a hint of mischief in her expression.

"I didn't mean to pee!" Jess said frantically, waving her hands at her sides. "I swear I didn't mean to pee! I'm sorry!"

Ruby smirked, dirty and so hot Jess almost forgot about what she'd done. "Oh, sweetie, you didn't pee. You squirted! That was so fucking hot, babe."

"Huh?" Jess said, face screwed up in confusion. " _That_ was squirting? Really?" When Ruby nodded, Jess let out a huff and shook her head. "It was nothing like what happens in porn! _That_ was squirting? I squirted? Seriously?"

"Hell, yeah!" Ruby said, thoroughly pleased with herself. "Wanna taste?"

Jess eyed Ruby's wet fingers and grimaced. "Is it gross?"

Ruby shrugged. "It's a little more bitter than the slick you make, but it's still good."

"Oh, okay," Jess said, then wrapped her lips around Ruby's fingers, sucking, but quickly pulled back, making a sour face. "It's not as good."

Ruby chuckled. "No, but it's fuckin' hot that I made you squirt," she said, giving Jess a wink before licking her hand clean.

"So you liked it?" Jess asked, cautiously hopeful.

"I loved it," Ruby said, getting to her knees and kissing Jess. "And I wanna make you do it again so you can enjoy the awesome orgasm that comes along with it instead of freaking out."

Jess giggled. "Okay."

Ruby kissed her again, lowering her to the bed and gently cupping a breast. "You're amazing," she whispered in Jess' ear.


	4. Anticlimactic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Title:** Anticlimactic  
>  **Fandom:** Supernatural  
>  **Pairing(s):** Sam/Charlie  
>  **Warnings/Tags:** First-time, handjob, virgin (with men), awkwardness, inquisitive!Charlie, patient!buddy!Sam
> 
>  **Inspiration:** "Nobody told me guys leak precome, sometimes a lot, so I thought he came, and I was totally disappointed because it just seemed so anticlimactic compared to a woman's orgasm."

"You're really sure about this?" Sam asked, wincing. Because it was only the tenth time he'd asked.

Charlie rolled her eyes, awkwardly sprawled out on her bed in the bunker, somehow making it look comfortable to be kind of on her knees and kind of half on her butt. "Look, you can stop freaking out now. Yes, I've only been with women, but I wanna know what it's like to be with a dude, and I know you won't laugh at me if I do something stupid, so c'mon!"

Sam chuckled, standing there naked and hard because she was only in her bra and panties and Little Sam was ready to go. "Okay," Sam said, "how do you want me?"

"On the bed would be nice," Charlie said, smirking.

Sam snorted, rolling his eyes, but then he crawled onto the bed, kneeling in front of her and ready for whatever she wanted to try.

"That's more like it," Charlie said. "Can I jerk you off first?"

"Guys don't have the same refractory time as women," Sam said by way of warning.

"I know," Charlie said, nodding, "I'm not gonna make you come. I just wanna know what it's like to tug on your dick. Tell me if I'm doing it wrong," she said as she reached out, grabbing him without any hesitation.

"You can hold me tighter," Sam said, nodding toward his dick.

"Oh, okay," Charlie said, frowning as she used both hands to play with him, one on his dick, stroking it, and the other fondling his balls. "How's that?" she asked, smiling up at him.

Sam let out an appreciative moan. "It's good. Feels good," he said, her little hands working him in a way that was clumsy, and it was obvious she had never done it before, but she was already becoming more confident, and he could see she was paying attention to everything; every move, every sound, every facial expression.

It was hot. A lot hotter than he thought it would be. He felt like a dirty old man for getting off on her innocence, but she was so eager, and he really did like her. She wasn't hard on the eyes, and they got along well. He could tell she trusted him, and that was a turn-on too.

"Oh!" Charlie gasped, her hand stopping as she stared at his dick. "It moved!"

Sam chuckled. "Yeah. They twitch just like clits do."

"Oh," Charlie said, only this time it was more of an 'okay, this is cool' tone of voice. "So you like what I'm doing?" she asked, smirking and even more confident.

Sam let out a huff of laughter. "Yeah, I like what you're doing. Definitely."

"Should I do anything else, or is this pretty much it?" she asked.

"Well, if you want, you could add a twist at the top," Sam suggested. "When you get to the head, just kinda turn your wrist a little."

"Like this?" she asked, twisting a little too hard.

Sam let out a grunt, wincing. "Not quite that hard."

"Sorry."

"It's okay, just try again," Sam said. When she did, she did it perfectly, and Sam let out a groan as his eyes closed and his hips jerked forward.

"Oops," Charlie said.

Sam opened his eyes and looked down at her, frowning. "What? You're doing good," he said, nodding.

"Well," Charlie said, frowning, voice dejected as she held his cock and just looked at it, "I kinda expected a little more."

Sam couldn't help it. He lost just a bit of his erection, instantly self-conscious. "What do you mean?"

"No wonder guys complain about women having awesome orgasms," Charlie said, scowling. "It didn't look like you had any fun at all other than a bit of a pelvic thrust."

"Huh?" Sam asked, totally confused.

Charlie snorted, then gathered the precome from the tip of Sam's dick with the fingers of her left hand and held it up to him. "You came! I thought it would be, I don't know, a little bit more exciting for you," she said, nose scrunched up.

Sam would later think he deserved some kind of medal or at least a pat on the back from _someone_ because he managed to keep a straight face. "Oh, I didn't come. That's precome."

"Very funny," Charlie said, rolling her eyes. "You don't have to lie to me. I won't think any less of you for shooting off after just a couple minutes of me stroking your dick."

Sam shook his head. "I'm not lying," he said. "It comes out when a guy gets turned on."

Charlie frowned. "There's a lot of it."

"Yeah," Sam said, ears feeling a little hot, "I tend to have more precome than most guys."

"Oh," Charlie said, rubbing her fingers together and peering at them. "What's it for?"

"Medically speaking, it's an acid neutralizer," Sam said. "It makes the vagina a little more friendly for sperm to make its way inside. Practically speaking, it's a nice lube, whether you're alone or with someone."

"Oh," Charlie said, then licked her fingers.

Sam nearly choked on his own tongue. He hadn't expected her to just go for it. And yeah, it was really fucking hot.

"Huh, kinda salty," she said, licking her lips. "I think I like it. Does it taste like that when you come?"

"No," Sam said, shaking his head. "That's more bitter."

"Hey, can I try sucking your cock?" she asked, bouncing a little on the bed as if she was excited.

Sam squeaked, mouth open, and all he could do was nod. She giggled and grabbed him by the upper arms, shoving him down onto the bed. Sam never came as hard as he did with her awkward blowjob, and he told her so. She didn't stop gloating for days.


	5. It Went Where?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Title:** It Went Where?  
>  **Fandom:** Supernatural  
>  **Pairing(s):** Sam/Pamela  
>  **Warnings/Tags:** Wall sex, rough sex, slipped condom
> 
>  **Inspiration:** "Nobody told me a condom can slip off during sex and get stuck inside you."

Sam had never used a condom before. Why would he need to? He didn't sleep around, and the woman who took his virginity was the one he was going to spend the rest of his life with. Along came Ruby, and there was no reason to bother wearing a condom when a demon can keep their vessel disease-free.

"Harder, c'mon," Pam said, yanking on his hair and scratching her nails down his back. "C'mon, kid. Fuck me!"

Sam panted, sweat dripping from the end of his nose onto her left breast. She was wild in bed, and even more so when he hefted her up and fucked her against the wall.

He bit at her breast, and she arched her back, trying to force him in deeper. He winced, not nearly as strong as when he had demon blood running through his veins, but she was tight and hot around his cock, and he just kept fucking her.

"Oh, right there! Fuck, yeah," she cried out as something fell off the wall and crashed to the floor.

Sam grabbed her ass, the fingers of his right hand slipping between her cheeks. She whimpered as he brushed over her hole, and when she didn't slap him for taking such liberties, he pushed his middle finger in.

"Oh! Oh, Sam! Sam, fu-oh fuck!" she screamed, her pussy and asshole clenching around him.

"Ah, fuck, so fuckin' tight!" Sam gasped, fucking her through her orgasm.

When she was done, he tossed her down on the bed. She laughed, spreading out and inviting him back for more, but when Sam grabbed his cock he froze.

"What the fuck!?" Sam said, eyes wide as he looked down at his naked cock.

"Oops," Pam said, not all that concerned. "Looks like you're going to have to go on a fishing trip."

Sam blinked at her, his mouth open as he tried to wrap his head around it. "What...? What happened?"

Pam chuckled, then must have realized Sam was really freaking out, because the smile went away and she reached out, putting a hand over his. "It's okay. The condom just slipped off. We were goin' at it pretty hard. No big deal. I just need help getting it out."

"It can come off?!" he asked, voice louder than he meant it to be.

Pam got to her knees and pulled him closer, wrapping her arms around his midsection. "It's okay, kid. It happens sometimes."

"Sorry," Sam said, shaking his head. "I've never worn one before. I didn't know they could just come off like that."

She smiled and patted his ass. "Yup, it happens. Now help me get it out, put a new one on, and fuck me. I wanna come at least two more times tonight, and you haven't even come once."

Sam chuckled. "Yes, ma'am," he said as he climbed onto the bed and spread her legs wide.


	6. Drunk Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Title:** It Went Where?  
>  **Fandom:** Supernatural  
>  **Pairing(s):** Cain/Kevin  
>  **Warnings/Tags:** Alcohol, fucking, drunk sex + falling asleep during sex
> 
>  **Inspiration:** "Nobody told me drunk sex can be a bad idea. He passed out on top of me, and because he's a whole Hell of a lot bigger than me, I couldn't move, so I just had to wait until he woke up."

Cain filled his shot glass again, then smirked at Kevin. Kevin nodded, already wobbling on the chair a little.

"You're not stopping yet, are you?" Cain asked the kid.

Kevin shook his head, forcing himself to keep a straight face. Yeah, so he thought Cain was really fucking hot. Yeah, so he had challenged the old guy to a drinking game. Cain didn't need to know that Kevin could damn well hold his liquor even for a small guy.

"All right, then," Cain said, holding up his glass before downing it.

Kevin down his own shot and set the glass on the table. Cain licked his lips, and Kevin couldn't take it anymore. He got up, walked over to Cain, and crawled onto his lap, straddling his legs.

"Mind if I sit here instead?" Kevin asked, slurring his words just a bit.

Cain smiled. "Not at all."

After the next shot, Kevin 'accidentally' squirmed on Cain's lap. The shot after that he pretended to be dizzy and dropped his forehead down onto Cain's shoulder, snuggling against him and practically humping him.

Cain rubbed over his back, down his sides, and slid his hands over Kevin's jeans clad ass. Kevin hummed appreciatively.

"You tired of this game?" Cain asked.

Kevin pulled back and grinned at Cain. "You should put me to bed."

Cain didn't hesitate to carry the kid to his bedroom and strip him with clumsy fingers, the alcohol settling in and making everything warm and fuzzy.

Stretching, licking, biting, a few kisses and Cain was inside him, fucking him with a big cock that hit all the right places. Cain wasn't nearly as rough in bed as Kevin had thought he'd be, but that was fine. Kevin just wanted to get laid, and Cain was doing a good job of that.

Well, he was until he came, groaned out his orgasm, then flopped down onto Kevin and fell asleep.

"Hey," Kevin said, poking at the man on top of him. "Dude, get up."

Nothing but snoring and a heavy weight that didn't really hinder his breathing, but it definitely wasn't Kevin's idea of fun. He hadn't even had an orgasm himself.

"Oh, c'mon!" Kevin growled, squirming and trying to push Cain off.

He finally gave up, Cain still inside him and on top of him. He fell asleep that way, having learned his lesson and hoping Cain didn't sleep that long. Cain made up for it by fucking him the next morning, then blowing him later that day after he'd made him breakfast, apologizing yet again for turning Kevin into a comfortable bed.


	7. Written All Over My Face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Title:** Written All Over My Face  
>  **Fandom:** Supernatural  
>  **Pairing(s):** Sam/Dean  
>  **Warnings/Tags:** No on-screen sex, just lots of awkwardness post loss of virginity
> 
>  **Inspiration:** "I thought everyone would know I lost my virginity, so I said a lot of awkward things and kept eying everyone the next day, waiting for them to call me out on it. I made a fool of myself and everyone thought I was being an ass."

If Sam would've known, he probably could've said something or maybe tied Dean up and left him on the bed in the motel room while he went out to get breakfast, but he didn't. He had no idea.

"Hey," Dean drawled as their waitress came up to the table.

"Hi, what can I get for you?" she asked, politely ignoring the way Dean was smirking at her.

"Well, I'm really, really hungry this morning, ya know," he said, flashing a smile at her that had Sam scooting down in the booth and wishing the floor would swallow them up.

"Okay," the woman said, then turned to Sam. "Do you know what _you_ want?"

Sam kind of felt bad for her, but he felt even worse for himself. How was he supposed to know his twenty-seven-year-old brother had never gotten around to losing his virginity before last night? Sam had lost his virginity in the back of a Pinto to a girl named Suzie when he was fifteen, and the way Dean acted Sam had assumed his brother got laid more often than he did.

"I'll just take the breakfast special," Sam said. "Eggs over easy and rye toast."

Dean opened his mouth, but Sam couldn't take it. He could almost feel the embarrassing line his brother was about to lay on the poor woman.

"He'll have the same only with scrambled eggs," Sam blurted.

"Ooh, ordering for me, Sammy?" Dean asked, then winked at the woman.

"Dude, knock it off," Sam said as the woman hurried away.

"What, it's not like I can hide the fact that you popped my cherry last night," Dean said, rolling his eyes. "Might as well act like I had a good time instead of blushing and stuttering my way through the day."

Sam sighed. "No one can tell you lost your virginity last night. It's not like it changes the way you look. There's no stamp on your forehead."

Dean frowned at him. "You don't have to worry about us getting in trouble or anything. Nobody here knows we're brothers."

"That's not the point," Sam said, but then the waitress brought them their coffees and Sam cringed as Dean made some ridiculous comment about how hard the booth's benches were. Sam tried his best to ignore it.

*

"Dean, would you please stop it?" Sam begged. "You're going to get arrested for harassment or something."

Dean yanked his arm out of his brother's grasp and scowled at him. "Did you see the way that guy looked at me?"

"He doesn't know you lost your virginity last night!" Sam said, then realized how loudly he'd said it when a woman in track pants and a glittery shirt huffed and moved to the next aisle in the grocery store.

"Sam, you can just stop it, okay?" Dean said, then shrugged. "I'm not embarrassed that everybody can see it."

Sam counted to ten in his head as Dean happily tossed another bag of salt into the cart and moved down the aisle.

*

The bank teller was still sputtering when Sam grabbed Dean's arm and dragged him away from the poor, traumatized man.

"Let go of me!" Dean growled, but Sam had a good grip and didn't let go until they were outside.

He pushed Dean against the side of the bank and pressed his chest against Dean's. "If you think it's so obvious, then you should know when I lost my virginity, so go ahead, tell me when I lost it."

Dean shrugged. "You must've lost it when you were in college. Oh, was it Jess? Dude, way to go! I bet she was all experienced and taught you so much!"

Sam rolled his eyes. "I was fifteen. Lost it to Suzie Miller in Nampa, Idaho."

Dean frowned, thinking about it for a moment. "Fifteen? Nampa. Oh, when Dad and I took out the ghost of that serial killer," he said, nodding. Then he paused, face screwing up in confusion. "I don't remember you acting different after you... oh."

Sam almost felt bad for him. Almost. The blush spread from his cheeks to his ears and even his neck. "Nobody can tell," Sam said yet again.

"I made an ass of myself today," Dean said, letting out a huff of laughter as he shook his head.

"Yeah, you did," Sam said, leaning in closer and smiling at his dork of a brother, "but you also got laid last night."

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, I did. And I wanna do it again tonight."

"Only if you stop traumatizing the bank teller," Sam said, failing to hide his smile. "We still need info out of him, and I think he's a little scared now."

Dean snorted. "He _should be_ scared. Dean Winchester lost his virginity last night. No one is safe from my seductive charm now," he said as he slapped Sam's ass and headed for the door to the bank.

Sam smiled as he followed his brother back inside the building.


End file.
